


The Fall of Brian Kinney

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-14
Updated: 2004-05-14
Packaged: 2018-12-27 09:19:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12078168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian makes some changes.  Set after season three.





	The Fall of Brian Kinney

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Brian Kinney strode into the elevator that would carry him to his loft. Work finished late… extremely late, and he found that even he could be just too tired for, dare he say it, the club. Justin wasn’t working as Michael was with his lovely Ben, and Brian had hoped not that he’d admit it, that he could have gotten home sooner. He sighed and leaned his head back touching his tongue to his front teeth, a habit he’d had for years. Justin was having a hard time. The past two years events had really launched the kid not only into the world of homos, but sex, drugs, a lovely roofy scare Brian knew nothing of for months, The comic book, the Ethan romance, moving out of parents, and moving in with Brian moving in with Debbie… moving back with Brian to Ethan back to Brian… his boyfriend. “And he chose a great one.” Brian thought sarcastically. He still didn’t call Justin his boyfriend, or tell him he loved him. He did… he just… couldn’t. Justin knew… more or less. He shook his head. “And he still wants me.”

 

The elevator reached the top, and he sighed proceeding to dial the code, and open the doors to his infamous loft. What he saw scared him enough to beat the air out of his lungs. Sitting, staring blindly at the floor, his shirt decorated with blood from some unknown source, sat that same person. Pictures from another bloody scene danced in front of Brian’s eyes.  
“Justin!” He whispered practically falling to his knees in front of the boy. No matter how Brian tired to catch his attention he still just stared at nothing.

 

“Just… Justin! For fucks sake look at me!” He ordered looking up looking around to see why or what he’d done. He was met with weary blue eyes when he looked down again. He was relieved and...Scared really scared. “What the FUCK did you do?!?” He sat back and asked much more quietly “Where’s the blood from Justin?” He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

Justin looked up at him like he was lost. “I… I shut my hand … shut my hand in the door.” He told looking at the floor. He raised his hand up a little, and Brian bit his lip. He’d punched the door. He could tell-he’d done it before, but never so F-ing hard. The meat and bone was showing on at least three knuckles.

 

“Jes’s Justin you’re already having such a hard time w…”

 

“I know that!” He snapped laughing bitterly knocking on his head as though it were a joke. “I know that…I live in here.”  
Brian looked down at the floor checking his emotion. “It’s a new carpet.”

 

“Oh your fucking jokes. I’ll mop it up as soon as I’m finished FUCKING BLEEDING!” He stood with difficulty, and walked to the bathroom holding his hand protectively. It felt as though every finger had a pulse. He wasn’t sure, but maybe he’d broken a knuckle or two. He swiped a tear away from his eye. “Stop crying you fucking queer.” He muttered to himself grabbing the rubbing alcohol.

 

“Justin.” He whipped around to see Brian standing in the doorway his face plainly showing what he felt, a rarity for him, and he felt awful. “Don’t.”

 

With that Justin’s emotions took him, and he crumpled to the floor. “I… I just…”

 

Regaining some of his ever so Brian non-shallantness Brian slowly went to him, but if Justin had had any sense at the time he would have seen the compassion in his eyes. “Bad day?” Came the lighthearted antidote as he grabbed bactine, the much less painful solution.

 

Justin scoffed, and looked up. “I want my old life back.”

 

Brian just watched his hands, cleaning the deep cuts. He knew so much had changed, and gone wrong, terribly wrong, in a few cases. Hearing Justin say he’d go back in the closet. That broke his heart. He was brought back when Justin pulled his arm away in pain. “Fucking hurts.”

 

Brian raised his eyebrows “…Then don’t punch the metal door, dumbass.”

 

“I shut it on my hand.”

 

“Yea me too every time I get pissed off.” Brian retorted carefully wrapping his hand in gauze.

 

“Fine I fucking punched the door… you know that. Why do I need to say it to you? Just to provide you with the embarrassing information myself? I punched the door. I was crying then too if you want to know… and…” His voice was choked. “I’m jus… I’m just tired.”

 

“Then go to sleep, Justin… don’t punch the door.”

 

Finally Justin looked up to see Brian grinning at him. He couldn’t help it. He loved this man even if the man never loved him back, and he was grinning at him, and… and that was all it took. “I’m going to punch you, you asshole.”

 

“Mmm sounds titillating. Will hand cuffs be involved?”

 

“They should be.”

 

Brian finished wrapping his hand, and smiled a little. “You could tell me what happened… if you’d like.”

 

Justin looked at him for a few seconds trying to keep his emotions under control, but wasn’t nearly as good as Brian was. Although Brian was slowly getting worse and worse at it. “I…” His voice cracked, and he shook his head. “I… Jesus.” He whispered frustrated. Brian watched as he tried and tried to explain ashamed and looking at the floor. He was miserable. He slid closer to him pulling him to his shoulder. Justin immediately fell into his arms taking a shaky breath.

 

“I know I give you shit for it, Justin, but there’s nothing wrong with crying.”

 

“You don’t.” Justin shot nuzzling into Brian’s shoulder feeling safer there than anywhere else.

 

Brian smiled a little. “I’m far from ok.”

 

“You seem fine to me.”

 

“You’d think so even if I were a serial killer.”

 

Justin laughed a little at that. “Probably.”

 

Brian kissed the top of his head, and pulled him away enough to look into his eyes. “Maybe we could move off the floor? Can’t sit on the floor at my age.”

 

The boy just nodded.

 

Brian smiled gently and scooped him up. Justin let out a small laugh, and buried his head in Brian’s shoulder.  
Walking to the bed Brian tried to gauge what could be wrong. He’d been ok in the morning when he’d left for work. A little low, but that seemed to be his normal demeanor lately. Crawling into bed Justin lay next to him but made no move to snuggle into him. Brian wondered then how much he’d fucked with this kid’s emotions. Wrapping his arms around Justin he pulled him up to his side, and guided his head to rest on his own chest. Justin took another shuddering breath as he wrapped his arm around Brian. Rubbing the back of the young man’s head Brian asked: “So?”

 

He looked right into Brian’s eyes, and with a quiver in his voice told him. “My dad came here.”

 

~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~

 

“His fucking…”

 

“Brian.” Two female voices scolded.

 

“His F-ing father came over. Ran up one side of him, and down the other. Apparently he wanted to see Justin. Get to know his son again.” Brian flourished the air with his hand to show the sarcasm.

 

“Sounds like he just wanted to abuse him again.” Lindsay added watching as Brian paced back, and forth bouncing Gus on his hip. She smiled. No one had ever broken through Brian’s hard exterior for thirty years, and that little shit came in, and in two years had completely shattered it. Not that Brian would admit that

 

“He was there all of ten minutes before he tried convincing Justin. Bribing him. If Justin stops being gay he’ll buy him his own apartment. Oh and tuition as long as he needs it. All he’s got to do is deny his feelings for the rest of his life.”

 

“Stops being gay? Christ do people not read the paper? It’s not a choice.” Mel added disgusted at what she heard.

 

“Well what’d he say?” Linds asked knowing there probably was a deal against Brian in there too he wasn’t mentioning.

 

“He said no, and they got in a fight… He’s ashamed of himself for what he can’t help. He won’t even repeat what his father called him.”

 

“I can guess.”

 

“Ditto.”Sitting down, and bouncing his son on his knee Brian sighed. “He isn’t happy.”

 

The girls just looked at Brian. Compassion? Caring? Too weird. “Well he’s had it hard the past few years.”

 

“Should I send him home? I can only imagine how happy his mom would be if he were back home. Should I stop seeing him all together?”

 

“Yes that’s what he needs is the total rejection of the one person in his life he’s positive he loves.” Mel drolled sarcastically.

 

“What my dear Mel is trying to say is… no! Of coarse not Brian that’s not what he wants. If Justin wanted out he’d leave. He did with Ethan,” She was favored with a glare Brian didn’t like talking about that. “And came back. You’re who he wants, and he’s sure. He he’s a lot older than his 20 years.”

 

Brian sighed and shrugged.

 

“Brian Kinney worried about someone else!” Mel exclaimed. “I don’t know what to say Brian keep it up and I might actually have to like you.”

 

“And what knock the world off its axis?”

 

He was favored with a mocking glance from Mel, but nothing more. “Admit it Brian. You’re not the same 29 year old we all knew and… could stand. He’s changed you as much as you’ve changed him. You’ll figure out what to do. He’ll be his cute sunshine self again. I know these things.”

 

Mel laughed. “Isn’t she great?”

 

“Lovely.” He responded avoiding both their eyes and instead staring into his two year old’s face. “Daddy. Say Daddy.”

 

“You know this wasn’t the plan when we decided to have kids.” Mel jibed although now it was just a way to bother Brian. She’d learned to like him, and didn’t mind Gus having a Dad even if it was… Kinney.

 

“Yes well the boy needs some feminine influence in his life.” Was the remark earning him a scoff from both mothers.

 

“He says Mum and momma. Why not daddy.”

 

“He’s only got three words down Brian give him time.”

 

“What’s the third word? Fuck!?”

 

“BRIAN!”

 

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~

“Hi… mom... its Justin.” He was already thinking against it. Did he really want to do this?

 

“Justin? Hello honey. How are you? How’s Brian?” She asked the way she always asked about Brian.

 

“He’s alright.” Truthfully Justin’s own problems were getting him pretty down too. It upset him that he did that to him, but he had to admit seeing Brian actually show he cared was something.

 

“Well to what do I owe the pleasure of this call?”

 

“Mom... Dad came over.”

 

It was quiet for about a minute. “He didn’t… he didn’t hurt you, or Brian did he?”

 

“No… Brian wasn’t here. I’m fine.”

 

“Physically.” She finished for her son.

 

“Better than nothin right?”

 

“Not for a father, Justin, no.” She said with a sigh.

 

“I knew it would just upset you. I shouldn’t have called.”

 

“I’m upset, Justin, yes but I’m upset because you are. I’m your mom don’t deny me the right to get angry at those who hurt you.” Warmth seemed to spread over him at that moment. He’d forgotten how good his mom could make him feel.  
“Okay?” She asked after she got only silence.  
“Okay.” He replied smiling.

 

“So… tell me about it.”

 

“Well… um we talked for about ten minutes… about football. I have no idea what he was talking about.” She laughed out loud at that. “Then he started in. He started with Brian is too old. He doesn’t blame me for what I’ve been brain washed to think, but he wanted to save me from it. He offered me my own place… if I went back to being straight.”

 

“Oh Justin.” His mom sighed

 

“And all the tuition for school if I never see Brian again.”

 

“Well... that’s not such a bad one.”

 

“Mom.” He scolded even though he was laughing.

 

“I know I know... but a woman can try.”

 

“I love him mom.”

 

“I know you do baby. And I’m... living with it.”

 

Justin chuckled. “Thanks.”

 

“So… what’d you say?” She asked almost not wanting to know.

 

“I told him I couldn’t go back to being straight because I never had been. He made a big deal about how much I loved the boy scouts, and the baseball team when I was little... I told him it’s because all I did was watch the other boys.” He chuckled “He didn’t like that. Then the arguing first how I wasn’t really gay I was doing it to embarrass him or to be different...” He paused trying to calm down.

 

“S’ok baby he doesn’t know anything.”

 

“Then he told me I wasn’t his son, or his daughter. Like that’s a new joke. Then he just rambled, and blurted out any slurs he could before storming out.”

 

His mom didn’t say anything, and he was breathing hard just remembering. “I punched the door so hard I thought I might have broken my hand.” He told a minute later. His mother grimaced wiping her tears. “I was still sitting there when Brian got home.” He chuckled a little remembering poor Brian’s face. “I think I terrified him. Everyone tells me he’s careless, and cold, but mom if you had seen. He cleaned up my hand, picked me off the bathroom floor, and held on to me until I was ok. He loves me mom. Even if he can’t say it.” That hadn’t really anything to do with the story, but whenever he could fit a good word for Brian, so his mom could maybe see his point of view, he did.

 

“I know honey. And daddy does too...”

 

“Mom.”

 

“Please I’m not going to stand up for him.” She interjected. “I promise.”

 

“Ok.”

 

“He loves you. You are his son and you always will be. For the rest of his life weather you reconcile or not he will think about you every single day. If I know your dad it might be a while before you do if ever. He’s stubborn, and too macho, and proud for his own good. He’s stupid for saying things to you my precious sweet good boy, but he’s angry. His son is in love with a man, and not only a man, but a man nearly twice his age. He has no clue how to handle it, but, Justin, he does love you.” Her voice was shaking. Justin rolled his eyes at her emotion, and realized where he got it from, but he felt such love for his mom at the moment. She was so compassionate in making sure he felt loved.

 

“I know, mom. If he didn’t you love enough for two parents anyway.”

 

He heard her half laugh half sob. “God now I know why I cry like a woman.”

 

Her laugh made his skin tingle. He’d missed this with his mom. “Oh Justin. I’m so glad you called me.”

 

“I’m glad too mom.”

 

“What are you doing today?”

 

“Nothing. Why?” He asked already knowing. He was pretty sure it was a gay man, and mom tradition.

 

“Wanna go shoppin!?”

 

This time it was his laughter that made her skin tingle. “Sure mum.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~

 

Finally back from Mel and Lindsay’s house Brian wandered to the door of his loft. He was semi cranky. Women always did that to him. “Another reason to fuck men.” He thought with a grin opening the door. “Justin?” He asked falling onto his couch in a manner relatively unlike himself. “Justin?” No answer. Brian sighed getting up to look for him. “You better not be here cause if get up for nothing...” He wandered around the apartment, and found no one. “Hm... now I’m a little disappointed.” He thought plopping back on the couch. Again, very unlike himself. Brian didn’t know what to do with these new feelings, when it came down to it. Loneliness when he wasn’t there, jealousy when someone wanted him, or the fact that whatever mood that kid was in . . . he was too. When it started he denied is feelings to both of them. He tried to get rid of Justin quick because he saw that first night the kid was something wonderful. Then he denied his feelings to Justin when he started getting attached. He knew he couldn’t give what Justin deserved, and just wanted to get rid of him before he really hurt him. And now he’d given up on feelings. He knew he was Justin’s boyfriend because Justin referred to him as such, and Brian didn’t object, so Justin knew it too... even if Brian never confirmed it. And he loved him too. God did he love him, and it scared the be Jesus out of him. No one had showed him love. Not his father not his mother, or his bitch sister. Debbie and Michael came in the scene when the damage was done, and he was terrified to love anyone. He was terrified of being hurt. Which was redundant considering all these things were the main reason for most of his hurt.

 

Of course Brian wasn’t thinking about any of that. He hated thinking about that. It hurt, and he was tired of that feeling.  
Wandering to the kitchen he smiled a little. Making dinner was nice. He nodded. “I’m learning.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Oh Justin that was so much fun.”

 

“And so much money. Mom I really will pay you back for some of this.”

 

“No way Justin you’re my son, and I want to do it. I don’t pay for school or books. At least let me pay for these ... tight little numbers.” She teased holding up a pair of jeans.

 

He laughed. The day had done a lot of good. Worn off all of the funk he’d been feeling about school, and his dad, and even Brian. “I look hot in them mom.”

 

“I wish you had told me that during your growth spurts, and we could have waited longer between buying new clothes.”  
“Ha ha... you’re funny today.”

 

She just smiled as they reached the top of the stairs. She hated that rickety old lift. “Well I’ll leave you here.”

 

“No its ok you can come in.”

 

She raised an eyebrow. “He never wears clothes.”

 

Justin grinned. “Well then you’ve seen everything now, so it doesn’t matter.”

 

It was true. He was always naked... not that Justin really minded all that much. He strode in just in front of his mom after dialing the code just to stop dead in his tracks a couple steps later.

 

“Justin?” His mom asked when she nearly ran into him. Looking up a knot welled in her throat. Candles... everywhere there were candles, and the smell of a well cooked meal floating through the huge apartment.

 

“Oh my god.” Justin gushed completely shocked. Brian had never done anything like this before. Nothing even close. It may not mean anything to another couple, but for Brian this was huge. “Mom . . . holy shit.”

 

She still couldn’t talk. She couldn’t help, but wonder where he was or if he would manage to ruin it.

 

“Brian?” Justin called. His voice was a lot quieter than he meant it to be. Wondering from their room . . . fully dressed in one of Justin’s favorite outfits came Brian. He smiled, but just a little as if this were the most normal thing in the world.

 

“Hm?” Was his reply. The young man ran to Brian wrapping his arms around him so tight Brian lost his breath. He grinned a huge grin at the response. Something Justin couldn’t see, but his mother could. She smiled, and for the first time she saw why her son was so in love. He wasn’t perfect, but he was something else. Justin pulled away, and started to kiss his lover’s face.  
“Your mom’s here.”

 

“I don’t care.” He told kissing fiercely.

 

She held back a laugh. He was so happy the happiest he’d been in a long time. “I’ll let myself out. I love you.” She told taking one more look around before leaving. Brian was full of surprises.

 

Justin just continued to plant kisses all over Brian whom did not complain. The young man’s response and look of utter joy was worth the hell it was to create the meal. He hadn’t cooked in a looong time. “Food’ll get cold.”

 

“Don’t care.”

 

“Worked ver...” He was interrupted by a kiss planted strait on his lips. “Worked very hard to make supper.”

 

Justin pulled away. He was beaming. Debbie named him better than his mother.

 

“Sunshine.” He whispered smiling down at him.

 

“What’s this for?” Justin asked staring at what had been cooked. It wasn’t gourmet, but it looked good.

 

“Supper.” Always a smart ass.

 

He looked up and rolled his eyes. “But why?”

 

“Because it’s been too long since you’ve smiled...”

 

Again his lungs were at a sudden loss for air as Justin leapt back into his arms. “I...” He pulled back looking into Brian’s eyes.

Brian smirked. “Hungry?”

 

“Famished.”

~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~

 

“He was a wreck.” Mel gushed to Ben and Michael as Lindsay served their supper.

 

“A wreck? Brian doesn’t do wreck.”

 

“Well he does now... as much as he can. He was asking the dikes for advice.”

 

Ben laughed. “That is serious.”

 

“I just... I can’t believe it. That ass hole has been closed off for his entire life, and none of us could change it... now... this kid.”

 

“Oh Michael be happy that he’s opening up. There’s years of pain loaded into Brian. That barrier was constructed to last his childhood.”

 

“So doesn’t it make sense a child could break it down.” Michael dead panned. He was graced with three scowls. “Fine! I’m a pessimist... it’s just...”

 

Now they were all grinning at him. “FINE!”

 

“The important thing, Michael, is he’s growing up. He’s got someone to take care of, and he actually is taking care of him. I’ve never seen him like this.”

 

Ben chuckled “I don’t know what he used to be like, but he seems to be in love.”

Michael laughed as Ben tickled his neck. “Ok ok I’m happy for him! I admit it!”

 

“We knew it!” Mel laughed scooping food into Gus’s mouth.

 

“Well don’t let out my secret. Brian likes to go against everything I say. It’s bad enough we work together if I really like Justin all could be ruined.” Michael complained... in his normal whiney way.

 

Being completely used to this everyone just sort of nodded, and continued to eat.

 

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~

“I...” Justin paused. He wanted to say he loved Brian, but only a kiss would answer him, and he couldn’t handle any answer. It didn’t bother him. At least not tonight. Not after all this. “I can’t believe you did all this.”

 

Brian smiled. He was trying to fit together something to say. Something special he wanted Justin to know he loved him. He was working on it. Those words... they were harder for him to say than anything in the world. In his own way he’d told Michael and Linds and of course his son, and he knew Justin needed them or not even try. It’d just been so long. So, so long since he’d said them to anyone. “Well this is really more for me than you.” He told smiling slightly.

 

“How’s that.”

He could detect a bit of worry. “Please don’t ruin this.” “Whatever you feel . . . I feel. I was sick of feeling like shit.” He kissed Justin’s wounded hand at that. “Sick of seeing just a shadow of you.”

 

Justin grinned. “Yea? That’s probably the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

 

“Which is sad if you really look at it.”

 

“I take what I can get.”

 

“And for that...” He started, but didn’t finish

 

“I know.” Justin told with a smile showing him it was ok.

 

“Good.”

 

He stood up from his seat at the table and walked over to Justin. He wrapped his long arms over the young man’s shoulder whispering dirty little secrets. Justin laughed, and brought his lips to meet Brian’s. “So.” Brian asked in between kisses. “I’ve been told I can ruin complete lives in less than a month. What’s your opinion?” He was joking, but he really wanted to know if Justin still thought he was worth it. Justin looked pensive for a moment before replying. “You need a sticker.”

 

“What?”

 

“Not for use of children under the age of 18.” Justin jibed as Brian kissed his neck.

 

“Ha ha.” Brian groaned as he was rewarded with a like kiss.

 

“But when used appropriately, and with the right amount of knowledge you’re completely harmless, and quite a pleasure to have around.”

 

“So I’m a dildo?”

 

Justin laughed out loud. “You said it.”

 

Brian sighed dramatically. “Well this talk is getting us no where. Sooo.” With that he scooped Justin out of his chair carrying him to the middle of the living room floor kissing him all the way.

 

“Brian!” Justin laughed wildly his heart fluttering with the pure gentleness when he laid him on the floor cradling his head in his hand so it wouldn’t bump the hard wood floor. “Brian.” He repeated much more softly.

 

Brian whispered into his ear. “That’s me.”

 

Their lips met in a furious, and sweet kiss as their hands roamed over every inch they could cover. Finally Justin broke away panting and dizzied with passion.

 

“Make love to me.” He commanded, but you could hear the apprehension for the chance Brian would tell him he didn’t make love.

 

Brian leaned in. “I always have.”

~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Queer muffin... for my queer muffin.” Debbie hooted in her normal crazy way.

 

Emmett laughed “Thanks Deb... I think.”

 

“Course sweetie!” She chirped setting out Ted’s eggs, Michael’s bacon, and Ben’s...Wheaties.

 

“Mom... why isn’t Justin helping out. It’s packed.” Michael asked looking around.

 

“He called me, and said he would be in sometime today, but he wasn’t in the right state to be working.” She laughed a little “Don’t you guys ever think that he’s too young to be out that late.”

 

Emmett rolled his eyes. “Well considering he’s got all of us beat we don’t need to, and anyways the love birds didn’t go out last night.”

 

“From what Lindsay and Melanie said Justin was having a problem with his dad, and Brian had his dick in a knot tryin to fix it.” Ted explained

 

“Brian? Really!?” Debbie asked as though she’d heard Michael say he was straight.

 

“That’s what I said.” Michael agreed shoveling his breakfast into his mouth.

 

“I for one commend them both. Anyone who can settle Brian down even a little deserves an award.” Ted stated looking up from his eggs. “And Justin is a little shit. I’m amazed Brian hasn’t killed him.”

 

At that Debbie whapped Ted in the head with a menu. “That’s my Sunshine you’re talking about.”

 

Ted looked at her as if to say. “Your little sunshine is a shit.”

 

Finally she laughed. “You’re right. He is.”

 

“Speaking of the devils.” Emmett announced watching the two wander up to the doors of the Diner. “Here they come.”

 

At that announcement the aforementioned couple wandered in looking like death warmed over. Brian, whom rarely went out with out an hour’s preparation, was in a pair of dirty jeans, what looked like Justin’s shirt from the day before, a bad case of bed head, and a five o clock shadow times two. Justin, matching his lover’s scruffy appearance wore a huge sweat shirt reading “PIFA” and baggy jeans giving him an almost “straight” appearance. The group watched as the two stumbled in and sat with them. Neither looked up, in fact, Justin’s head immediately fell to Brian’s shoulder on entry, and didn’t rise again.

 

“Two coffees black... caffeinated.” Brian ordered rubbing one of his temples with one hand, and petting Justin’s head with the other. A groan from the young man leaning on him told Debbie he agreed.

 

Everyone stared until finally Brian looked up. He managed a smart ass smile. “Yes?”

 

“What the hell happened to you two?” Debbie asked.

 

To everyone’s shock Brian had no smart ass comment. He just grinned and looked down at Justin who was leaning on him and from the looks of it half asleep. “Nothin.” He told finally, stroking Justin’s hair lightly. This wasn’t lost on anyone.

 

“Alright...” She said taken aback slightly. “Someone fill me in later when he finally spits it out.”

 

“I don’t spit Deb, I swallow.”

 

She laughed herself back to the counter at that.

 

Four sets of eyes were staring at him when he looked back to the table. Justin was by all means dead to the world at this point, and everyone was waiting for the answer.

 

He shrugged. “The apple juice we had with supper must have fermented.”

 

“By supper you mean Chinese take out?” Ted asked knowing Brian’s idea of a nice night.

 

At that the listless form of Justin perked up a little. “He cooked for me.” He told his voice was all rough from sleep. “And we made love all night on the couch... the floor the bed. We drank wine.”

 

“A lot of wine.” Brian amended still stroking the blonde’s head. Emmett Ted Michael and Ben looked on. Brian was being affectionate. Made love? Cooked supper? He didn’t even mind Justin was telling them about it.

 

“You’re right.” Justin confirmed bringing everyone back. “A lot of wine... then there was that expensive German whiskey we had when the wine was gone.”

 

Brian raised an eyebrow. “Don’t remember the whiskey.”

 

“We spilled most of it...” Justin told looking pensive then looking up to Brian. “We’ll need to clean that up at some point.”

 

“Clean what up?” Asked Debbie returning with the aforementioned coffee.

 

“Brian cooked supper for Justin last night. They proceeded to fuck all night get drunk, and probably, if we know either of them... destroy the loft.”

 

“That’s one way to sum it up.” He mumbled kissing the top of Justin’s head. “Belittling our accomplishments.”

 

“Coffee?” Justin asked clearly not caring much what they thought of their accomplishments.

 

Debbie handed him a mug. “You cooked supper?”

 

“I think so. I’m not sure if we’re hung over or suffering food poisoning.”

 

“Yum.” Justin scoffed sipping his coffee.

 

Debbie looked at Brian with that proud mommy smile.

 

“Not right now Debbie. I can’t fend you off properly.”

 

She wandered back to the counter smiling all the way. Finally. He was finally getting it.

 

Both sipped their coffee quietly and slowly as though it took all of their being just to move the mug. Emmett shrugged.  
“Well no rest for the retail queen. I have to get to work. See you tonight Teddy.” He kissed Ted’s cheek and looked at everyone else smiling brilliantly. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you two, but... congratulations. You’re starting to resemble normal people.”

 

“Shit.” They both dead panned at the same time. Justin just shook his head while Brian laughed sarcastically. “Nice.”

 

With that Emmett skipped off followed by Ted. “Godda get to the office.”

 

Mike and Ben stood. “I’ve got to get to the store. You two have a lovely day. Complete with vomiting.”

 

Justin stuck his tongue out leaning back into Brian and closing his eyes against the harsh neon lights. When he opened them again everyone had filed out. “Sorry I told about our night.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I figured you wouldn’t want them to know.”

 

“I don’t care what they think I’m a god. I’m Brian Fucking Kinney.”

 

Justin grinned at that. “Mmmhmm and I’m fucking Brian Kinney.” He teased.

 

Brian laughed. “Ha ha.”

 

Justin just smiled sipping his coffee. “Are you going to work?” He figured that was a dumb question. Brian always went to work.

 

“I have... the flu.”

 

He smiled looking up at Brian. “Poor baby.”

 

“It came on so quick. I could be out a couple days”

 

“Really?” Justin asked livening up at the aspect of having Brian home all day.

 

Brian held his stomach and groaned. “Think so.”

~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~

“This should fix that stomach ach.” Justin said sarcastically handing Brian his hot dog with every condiment imaginable.

 

“A little Frank to make the day better.” Brian told putting almost all of it in his mouth.

 

“You’re sick.”

 

“I prefer mentally disturbed.”

 

“That works too.”

 

“I’ve got to talk to Cynthia for a minute, and remind her that our Bear account is going to be due with in the week, and to light a fire under a few ass holes. I’ll catch up with you in a minute.” Brian told finishing off his hot dog.

 

“K” Justin agreed chewing his food. He pecked Brian’s lips. “I’m going over to the comic store.”

 

“Mikey’s been having a field day with you.” The older man teased dialing his phone. Justin smiled and started the walk up to the comic book store. He was in one of the best moods he would have skipped if he hadn’t seen how silly Emmett looked when he did it. He’d just arrived at the store when he ran into someone full speed. Both fell to the ground.

 

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t looking where I was...” His voice faltered when he saw who he was helping up. Ethan. He looked shocked as well. “Ethan... what are you doing here?”

 

“Uh... actually I was just... lookin for you. I just got back in town and thought maybe you’d want to go get some coffees... talk.”

 

“Michael and I work at his apartment now. So I don’t come here much anymore.”

 

“Yea I figured. He said you weren’t around.”

 

“You talked to Michael?”

 

“Not talked really more like “Justin?” “Not here” “Thanks” “Bye” that kind of thing.” The young man told placing his hands in his pockets and trying to look casual.

 

Brian, having finished his quick call to Cynthia, walked nearly upon the two before realizing who Justin was talking to. Quickly he stepped off into an alley not wanting to be seen. Justin needed to end or continue this on his own.

 

Justin chuckled a little. This felt so uncomfortable. Ethan stepped in closer.

 

“I’ve missed you.” He told touching Justin’s face. Justin stepped back, an action that made Ethan stare. “Don’t tell me you’re still mad about that guy.”

 

“I’m not anything about that guy... or you. It’s been over three months.”

 

“You haven’t thought of me?”

 

“Not in any deeply meaningful way. No.” Justin told truthfully. Ethan had lied to him, and not only that, but he’d never felt for Ethan what he had for Brian. He’d been in love with the idea, not Ethan, and defiantly not after Ethan betrayed him.

 

“Let me guess, Brian?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You’re back with that asshole?”

 

“He’s not an asshole. You don’t know him, Ethan.”

 

“I know he treats you like shit.”

 

“No. That’s how I fell for you the first time. Believing half truths convincing myself that you were better because you put my name on your CD or told me you loved me.”

 

“That’s what boyfriends are supposed to do. Has Brian said he loves you?”

 

“It’s not your business what he says to me.”

 

“He hasn’t. You’ve been together like three years, and he hasn’t said I love you.” Ethan spat.

 

Justin was fed up. No one understood Brian least of all Ethan and he had no rights to go there. He sighed so he wouldn’t get too angry. “I know he loves me.”

 

“And that’s enough?” Ethan asked as though he were crazy. “You just have to know because he’s never going to say it?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“That’s insane.”

 

“Well that’s your opinion.”

 

“That’s a lot of people’s opinion.”

 

“Well the majority isn’t always right.”

 

“I think in this case I’d take their word for it.”

 

Justin bit his tongue squeezing his fists trying to keep from getting frustrated. He had nothing to prove to this man. He didn’t love him he didn’t need him. “You know what? I’d rather live my whole life with someone who never said ‘I love you’ but know he did than to live with some one who told me so every day, and never be sure.” With that he left a very distraught Ethan staring at where he had been standing as he marched into the store. Brian, in his spot between the buildings was duly distraught. He didn’t want to hurt Justin, but he did often. Yet, the 20 year old had just deflected every true statement Ethan had made like they were no big deal when Brian knew they all were. He shook his head not really wanting to think about it at that point. He started into the store. Walking past the young man Brian paused.

 

“Excuse me... have you seen my boyfriend?” He’d never called him that before. Not out loud. “Bout this tall, blond, blue eyes... beautiful pale skin.”

 

Ethan just glared. “You don’t deserve him. One day he’ll realize.”

 

“Probably, and if he does I’ll be happier than you know for him, but now he is with me and even when he isn’t...he still won’t be with you.”

 

With that he went inside and left him to stand dumbfounded as he was before. He walked away shocked he’d said anything, but glad he had.

 

He found Justin looking over a copy of Rage in the way back. Possibly hiding from Michael. He flicked the page, and Justin looked up. “Old friend of yours is outside.” He told.

 

“I didn’t know he was back... I told him to get lost.” Justin explained quickly. After the lying about Ethan in the beginning he’d realized he never wanted to lie to Brian again.

 

“I heard.”

 

“Where were you?” Justin asked his cheeks turned a slight shade of pink.

 

“In the alley.” Brian said non shallant as always.

 

Justin rolled his eyes. In the alley. “Why didn’t you come in? That was the most awkward conversation I’ve ever had.”

 

“But you needed to have it. Now it’s out of the way. Now we can only hope that was you talking and not the evil “I should stay with Brian” voice.”

 

“It was me. The “I should stay with Brian” voice is the only one I have.” He told leaning up to kiss the man that held his heart.

 

“Alright break it up the only action we have in this store is in the comic books.” Michael teased walking up to the two. “Did Ethan find you?”

 

“Yes and now I hope he is working on unfinding me.” Justin answered the question before Michael could ask it.

 

“Ah.” He replied with a smile. “Seven tonight? I need story ideas we have dead lines now ya know.”

 

“Seven? Can we make it eight, and could you possibly come to me?” He looked at Brian to ask if it was ok. “I have a lot of studying.”

 

“S’fine.” Brian replied fiddling with an old Captain Astro.

 

“K... see you guys later then. I have a store to run.”

 

Justin smiled watching him walk away. “He’s such a dork.”

 

“So are you.”

 

“Don’t get defensive I mean in a cute way.” Justin teased poking at him.

 

“You would have been a lot luckier if you’d ended up with that dork.” Brian said rubbing Justin’s back unconsciously.

 

“Luckier isn’t happier.” Justin told looking right in Brian’s eyes.

 

“I forgot you’d rather be with someone who doesn’t deserve you.” Brian dead panned now holding Justin with both hands.

 

“I don’t think those were my exact words.”

 

Brian just smirked before kissing the young man.

 

~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~

 

“You’re serious.” Was the only response Brian managed to laugh out to the man on the other end of the phone. It was funny, and he was walking off the sting of the reality of it.

 

“Fuck you Brian.”

 

Brian bit his tongue. “So who’s wearing the dress?”

 

“You’re such a homophobe.”

 

“You know I hear that an awful lot for a fag.”

 

“Cause its true. You think just because we’re gay we should just fuck forever never love somebody or settle down. That, by the way, is bullshit because you’re fucking in love with Justin.”

 

“In love with fucking Justin.” Brian ‘corrected.’ Justin looked up from his book for a minute raising an eyebrow.

 

“What?” He asked smiling slightly.

 

Brian just shook his head grinning. “So... you said yes?”

 

“Of coarse... I just...”

 

“Wanted to call and mull over it for hours instead of being happy?”

 

“I knew you’d understand.” Michael laughed realizing how childish this was.

 

“Well let me save you the energy. You love him so you want to do this or you wouldn’t have said yes. For once your mother has some good advice: “If you’ve got one foot in tomorrow and one foot in yesterday... You’ll shit on today.” Now go fuck Ben, and come over at eight to plot out your little hobby with the ever motivated, and severely exhausted Justin.”  
He hung up the phone smiling at Justin who looked up again. “Twice in one phone call. Should I feel loved or worry?”

 

“You should concentrate on your homework.” Brian told sitting next to him looking over his work. “Michael’s going to be a wife soon.”

 

“What? They’re getting married? ... He just told you? Wow.”

 

“Mmmhmmm love story of the year. Baaack to work.”

 

“My mother’s not even this strict.” Justin teased skimming another line in his Trigonometry book. He saw the slight connection between drawing and math... but he thought they were pushing it.

 

“You’ll thank me later.” Was the response along with a small kiss to the tip of his ear. Justin shivered visibly. Brian grinned “Chilly?”

 

Justin smiled. “And you expect me to finish my homework?”

 

“Alright, alright. I’ll just...” He started to stand. Justin pulled him back setting his books down.

 

“I could use a little break.” He told pushing Brian down on the couch and straddling his legs.

 

“Class dismissed.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~

Michael stood at the door into Brian’s loft. Anyone who knew Justin and Brian knew to announce yourself, and make a lot of noise before you entered if you didn’t feel like seeing them having sex. If you didn’t care it was fine. Neither of them proved to be very modest.

 

“I’m coming in so get dressed, or finish up.” Michael called sarcastically getting out his key. “Entering.”

 

He slid open the door and wandered inside to see Justin, and Brian, not having hot passionate sex, but both working diligently. He smiled and glanced over Brian’s shoulder: The Odyssey Report by Justin Taylor.

 

“Isn’t that cheating?” Michael teased realizing the plot.

 

“You should recognize it Mikey you did it all through high school.” Brian stated not looking up from the computer. He hadn’t done an English paper in a while, but he’d read it, and lets face it Brian was good at everything. “I thought this was an arts college what the fuck’s with this shit.”

 

Justin looked up for a split second and recited what he’d heard hundreds of times. “The Pittsburg Institute of Fine Arts wants all its students to excel, not only in the arts, but in regular academics as well creating a well rounded student.”

 

Brian grinned at the smart ass reply. He was getting good.

 

“Well this is all very leave it to Beaver, other than the whole you fuck each other part, but we have work to do. Can you give me a couple hours Boy wonder?”

 

The young man yawned setting down his Trigonometry he’d been doing since after supper, and rubbed his eyes. “Anything to be away from that fucking math book.” Brian looked up for a minute at the worn out kid. He needed to get some sleep, and he knew it wasn’t going to happen.

 

Michael smiled sympathetically. “You’re a brave man.” He teased lightly sitting on the floor and laying out the idea’s he’d had so far. Justin wandered over joining Michael on the floor for what promised to be a long night of pouring over this huge project they’d gotten themselves into.

 

“Let’s get started.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~

A couple of hours had dragged on for four it was midnight, and the two showed no signs of slowing down. Justin had been sketching things out all night while they put together Rage’s next exploit.

 

Brian was now working on Justin’s History paper. Justin had done the work he just had no time in hell to do everything the week had thrown at him. The teachers had really gone at it full force. Studying one of Justin’s other papers he worded everything as much like Justin as he could and hoped it came out alright.

 

“And then Rage could just come out from the alley.” Justin concluded raising his voice for Brian to hear. Brian smiled, but said nothing at the inside joke.

 

“Yea that’s a good idea.” Michael said excitedly not even realizing the exchange. “Can you sketch that out? Shadow most of him...”

 

“Except like the rip in the shirt and his shadow right?” Justin asked beginning his millionth sketch of the night. His hand was starting to get tired it was already pretty sore.

 

“Right... yea just like that. Perfect.” Michael approved watching the figure form on the blank sheet.

 

After a moment of silence of Justin drawing and Michael scribbling away Justin looked up as if just remembering something. “So how did Ben ask you?” He asked

 

Brian looked up but tried to look disinterested. He smiled to see Michael stutter and turn pink.

 

Justin laughed. “Is it that personal? I mean he did ask you at your mom’s.”

 

“Yea well you’ve done some pretty personal things there.” Michael dead panned looking at his paper.

 

“He asked you while you were having sex!?” Justin exclaimed.

 

“No.” Michael replied incredulously. “He asked me during supper.”

 

Justin smiled at the romanticism. “With your mom and Vic there?”

 

Michael nodded. “Yea.”

 

“What’d she do?”

 

“You mean you didn’t hear her?”

 

“She screamed huh?” Justin yawned doodling on his drawing a little more.

 

“It was louder than a sonic boom.” Michael told laughing even though he pretended to be mortified.

 

“He didn’t get down on one knee did he?” Justin asked. That was a little too campy even for him.

 

“No he just asked over dinner. He did give me this though.”

 

He showed Justin a large gold band he wore on his left ring finger. Brian looked over to see it, but again said nothing. He was happy for Michael it was right for him. But he couldn’t help feeling a little lost knowing Michael would be binding himself to someone else forever. Not that he’d admit that. Also he was sworn to silence when Michael and Justin were working. They were shocked he was keeping his end of the deal.

 

“Holy shit.” Justin scoffed. That was a lot of gold.

 

“Yea... He said he’s getting better ones for the ceremony. Better ones. Mom screamed again when she saw it. It all felt a little too hetero to me but... I’m happy.”

 

Justin smiled you could tell he really was. They both got back to the book after that without much talk. They worked for another half hour when Justin’s hand just wouldn’t go. Michael caught Justin trying to hide the shaking, and realized they’d been pushing for too long. It hadn’t done that in months.

 

“Oh... Justin, I’m sorry, why didn’t you say something.” Michael asked stopping what he was doing. He hadn’t thought about that. Brian looked up to see Justin taking up the old habit of cradling his weak arm with his other one. He knew that was coming. He sighed slightly. Next he would cover it up, and stutter a little as he always did when he was unsure of himself

 

“Don’t worry it’s just.... it’s a little tired.” Yep.

 

“Well that’s ok we’ve done more than enough tonight anyways. I’ll finish the story and you can finish the illustrations when finals are over.” Michael concluded clearing up their stuff and putting it in his bag. He kissed Brian and said his see ya.  
“Get some sleep.” Michael commanded hugging him.

 

“Ok dad.” Justin teased him, as he left, covering up how much it bothered him this was still happening almost two years later. Loosing control over your own body was so disheartening. He rubbed his hand unconsciously staring off back in time to the reason he had this damned problem. Strong arms around him brought him back to reality.

 

“You’re just tired. Don’t think about it.” Came the soothing deep voice in his ear.

 

He nodded turning around into Brian’s arms. Everything seemed so much safer there.

 

~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~

All he could feel was cold and all he could see was black. The only feeling he had was dread, that, and utter confusion. Where was he? Why couldn’t he see anything? He felt naked he had no defenses he couldn’t see anything or hear anything, but he could feel it; the sense of dread. Some one was coming. Suddenly headlights flashed in front of him and someone stepped out of a jeep. His heart lifted for a moment hoping against hope it was Brian come to get him out of this hell. However, that was not the case. Hopping out of the black jeep belonging to his boyfriend stood the bane of his existence: Chris Hobbs. Fear, worse than he ever could have imagined, tightened around his chest making it impossible to breathe. Hobbs was covered in blood already, and Justin had a sick feeling he knew who’s. He needed to get to Brian. Brian was hurt. He knew he needed to just run, turn around and run, but he couldn’t. It was like some evil force was holding him to the cold unforgiving cement floor, and he was forced to just stand and watch as Chris slowly strolled up to him. He had it behind his back. He didn’t have to see it to know he held a wooden bat ready to beat the life out of Justin. He was here to finish what he started.  
“Looks like you won’t have to wait for AIDs.” The cruel young man spat pulling the bat out from behind his back. “Tell your boyfriend I say hi.”

 

With that he raised the bat, and the world went dark.

 

~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~

 

“NO!” The blood curdling cry ripped through Brian’s conscious. He jolted awake to see Justin sitting up gasping for air. It took him a moment to realize what was going on. Realization hit like a ton of bricks. “Justin.” He whispered pain and concern for the man he loved evident. He pulled himself behind the young man, ragged sobs raging through him. “Shhh calm down. Shhh”  
Justin, realizing it was a dream tried to calm himself, but felt as though he were choking on his own breath. Brian came around to face him placing a hand on each shoulder. “Justin?”

 

“I ... I just...” Brian felt him trembling under his fingers, and just pulled him into his arms figuring human touch was what he needed a lot more than a rousing conversation at...3:22 in the morning. He crawled back into bed pulling Justin to rest his head on his chest covering them both with the comforter. Justin, either too worn out or to terrified to care, sobbed helplessly into Brian’s shoulder. That was the worst feeling he’d ever felt in his entire life. Here he thought the dreams were gone.  
“He fucking...”

 

“Shhh.” Brian consoled. “Just calm down. It’s just a dream.”

 

“Why won’t they fucking stop?” He sobbed rubbing at his eyes viscously. “It’s been two years.”

 

“You were thinking about it before you went to sleep. Don’t get discouraged eventually they’ll go away all together.” Brian encouraged. This is when he was caring and compassionate. There was no room or time for smart ass remarks and covering up feelings. Justin was in pain, and Brian couldn’t stand it. “Ok?”

 

Justin nodded slightly burrowing deeper into the covers and closer to Brian. Brian knew the closer they were the easier he could relax. It amazed him that his presence was all it took to make Justin feel completely safe. Ten minutes passed before Justin got his breathing under control. Brian could still feel his heart thumping against his chest, but it was slowing down. Brian replayed the night in his head his own heart twisting. If he’d been thinking at all Chris Hobbs would have gotten much more than a bat to the balls. He pushed the thoughts away and back to where they were now.

 

“He killed you.” Justin told simply afraid to look Brian in the eye. Afraid he’d think he was just a silly kid with a phobia. He finished in a whisper. “And me.” Brian’s eyes closed fighting the tears threatening to spill over. Justin had never seen him cry, and he didn’t intend to let him now when he needed to be the strong one.

 

“In the dream.” Brian told soothingly. “Just in the dream.”

 

Justin nodded slightly. He knew that, really, but it was so hard to believe it after a dream like that. “I know.” He whispered feeling childish. The fact that he was clinging to Brian for dear life didn’t help matters.

 

“It’s not childish to be upset.”

 

“Do you have an answer for everything?” Justin asked wiping his eyes again gaining a little of his humor back. Brian always knew what he was thinking.

 

“Of course.” Brian said with a small smile repeating a joke from earlier in the day. “I’m Brian Fucking Kinney.”

 

Justin laughed around a sob. “Yea, but I’m fucking Brian Kinney.”

 

Brian kissed his forehead rubbing his back in soothing circles. “Rest.”

“I can’t sleep.” Justin told quickly.

 

Brian nodded. “Just close your eyes. We’ll keep talking.”  
The young man closed his eyes focusing on the feel of Brian’s hand rubbing his back, the feel of his warm breath on the back of his neck as he talked about random nonsensical things. He drifted back into a light but peaceful sleep within five minutes. Brian stayed awake the rest of the night watching Justin sleep.

 

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

 

Sounds began filtering through the fog of sleep as Justin woke from his reverie. He could hear Brian breathing lightly above him, and realized he was still draped across the man’s chest from the early morning night mare. It didn’t seem so bad now, but at the time it terrified him with all his being. It still sent a shiver down his spine just thinking of the blood. Changing the subject he stared at the ceiling wondering why he’d awakened before the alarm. He was awful tired to wake up at seven o clock by himself. A knot of worry tied itself in his stomach. He had finals today. Slowly he looked over to the clock. FUCK.  
“Brian!” He exclaimed seeing the true time. “Brian I need a ride to class I’ve missed my entire history final. WAKE UP.” He shook Brian who ignored him fully.

 

“It’s tomorrow.” Came the groggy answer.

 

“It is not I told you just last night why do you think the paper is due? Fuck! Where are my pants?”

 

Sitting up slightly annoyed slightly amused Brian sighed. “I called the school Captain Spaz.”

 

Justin, half in his jeans, paused. A little hopeful a little terrified he asked. “Why... what did you do?”

 

“Why are you asking like you’re afraid of the answer?”

 

“Because I am... what did you do?”

 

Brian, too tired to be funny, yawned. “I called them and told them you couldn’t come in. They said it was mandatory and only a parent could reschedule with a good reason. I said I fucking pay the 15 thousand dollar tuition, and it is a good reason along with some other things, and Trigonometry, and History are rescheduled. Now shut the fuck up, and lay down you need sleep.” That was Brian’s way of saying I care way to much to let you out of the house in the state you’re in. Rest.

 

Justin grinned and leapt into the bed. “Thank you thank you thank you thank you!”

 

“And who says I’m not romantic.” He mumbled accepting all kisses and praise with closed eyes. He’d stayed up until six o clock and he was tired.

 

“It’s been an exceptional two days for you. Are you sick? Or is this going to be followed by a rotten spell?” Justin asked sarcastically placing himself under the covers once again. He had a good three hours left to sleep.

 

Rolling over and putting an arm around Justin he whispered “I’m trying.”

 

Caught a little off guard by Brian saying something so open he paused before nodding, and kissing him. “I know.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~

“I can’t believe you’re getting married.” Emmett sighed lifting the dumbbell a couple of times to simulate a semi work out.

 

“I know it’s just so... mature... so grown up so...”

 

“Straight.” Brian finished for Ted giving his signature “I just told you the truth so live with it.” Smile.

 

“I guess a little.” Ted admitted stepping onto the stair master, and puffing away.

 

“I think you’re just jealous, Brian, because he’s getting married, and that means your little Mikey is going to be ...”

 

“I know what it means.” Brian interrupted. Emmett smiled at the emotion Brian was showing. Even if it was inadvertent.

 

“Well don’t worry Brian you will always be my best friend.” Michael told kissing the man facing opposite him on the lifting machine.

 

Brian smiled a little kissing his sweet little Mikey. His Mikey. He felt like a big brother, and Ben was this terrible predator. Kind of what Justin’s mother thought of him. Maybe Ben and I do have something in common. He just didn’t want to loose Michael.  
“Well.” Ted started. “At least you have Justin... to drink wine with.”

 

“Mmm and to cook for.” Emmett added catching on to where this was going.  
“And make love to.”

 

“All night” They all finished

 

“You know... that all seems a little...”

 

“Straghit?” Michael asked smiling.

 

“Believe me. Heteros could never do what we do. Speaking of I have to go pick up Justin.” He stood and began walking away.

 

“Your...” Emmett started fully expecting a smart ass comment about sex or... other.

 

Brian turned around. Fuck it. He based his whole life on not caring what people thought and telling the truth and saying what no one else would. “My boyfriend.” The man finished waving his hands as if to say: “I said it now what are you going to have to talk about?”

 

He walked away leaving three men who thought they knew Brian Kinney back at start again. Did he just admit openly he had a boyfriend?

 

Emmett’s mouth opened and closed a couple of times.

 

“Well he’s succeeded in something no one has.” Ted told looking back at the two men he called his best friends.

 

“What’s that?” Michael asked still not believing what his best friend had just admitted suddenly feeling a whole lot like Brian had moments before.

 

“Sent Emmett speechless.”

~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Strumming his fingers on the steering wheel of his beloved black jeep Brian waited for Justin. He watched as young college kids... hot college kids wandered back and forth around the quad. “This is all making me feel very old.” He mumbled.

 

Just then the passenger side door opened to reveal a frazzled looking Justin. Brian hid his grin.

 

“Just... take me home.” The young man mumbled. Being that his finals the previous day had been moved up with the ones already scheduled Justin had just finished five finals. That was every class he had, and a hefty nine hours worth of testing.

 

“Well... now you’re done for a whole summer.”

 

“Nothing can fix this day. It has been drained of all color.”

 

“Uh huh. So I guess we don’t want to go to Babylon tonight, and find hot guys.”

 

“I’d rather go to Babylon, and dance with the one I have.”

 

Brian smiled. “We’ll see.”

 

Justin made a sarcastic face. “Well that’s better than “No” I guess.”

 

Brian looked at the pouting boy. “Don’t be a twat.”

 

“Brian, keep calling me a twat and see where it gets you.” Justin warned.

 

Brian grinned. “I hope it’s somewhere dirty.”

 

He knew eventually the fucking every man he met was going to have to quit... but he would do it until Justin just wouldn’t let him. Or the fact that he loved Justin too much wouldn’t let him. He smirked slightly thinking to himself “You’re going to loose your queer badge.”

 

“So dear how was your day?” Brian mimicked what Justin was supposed to say to him.

 

Justin rolled his eyes. “Fuck anybody at work?”

 

“Only our clients.”

 

“Kinky did you use a rubber?”

 

Brian smirked. “You don’t need a condom for the kind of fucking I did.”

 

“Uh huh.” Was Justin’s only response.

 

“You really are being a twat.”

 

“Seriously.”

 

Brian held back his grin. “Fine. You really are in a mood... you know you’ve got limited time before you run out of teenage hormones to blame it on.”

 

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

 

Brian decided picking on him wasn’t an option he was tired and cranky. “Were the tests hard?” He asked he did genuinely care.

 

“My hand shook so fucking hard by the end it took me twice as long to get out of my last final.” Justin told revealing why he was so pissy.

 

His temper always flared about his weak hand, or when it acted up. Brian knew there was a lot of pride in the short little blond kid, and when his body refused to do what used to be a simple task he got angry. “Did you get it done?” Brian asked patiently.

 

“Yea after everyone left and the teacher could stand right fucking over me watching everything tisking and sighing every time my hand shook.”

 

Brian fought the urge to want to punch the teacher. “Well it’s done now you have the whole summer to work on it.”

 

“I don’t want to work on it anymore it’s a fucking waste of time.”

 

“Justin...”

 

“Do you know what it’s like to have to relearn everything? To be completely handicapped in the thing you love to do most, and even simple tasks like fucking opening a bottle cap? Just so some jock could feel macho? No. So fucking spare me. I’m tired of pep talks.”

 

Brian tilted his head to the side slightly, watching the road, it didn’t hurt his feelings to be snapped at, he’d taken a lot worse, but it hurt to know Justin was hurting.

 

“I’m sorry.” The teen mumbled rubbing his face. “I’m just.”

 

“Frustrated.” Brian finished parking his jeep in it’s normal spot. They climbed the stairs silently Justin wandered in collapsing onto the couch tired and a little disheartened. He’d just been doing so well the week’s stress had weakened his nearly healed hand, and reminded him of something he hated to remember. He sat still staring at the ceiling. A minute later the ceiling light was replaced by Brian’s beautiful face smirking at him. Always smirking. That thought alone almost made Justin smile.  
“What?” He asked trying to sound perturbed.

 

“Roll over.”

 

“Brian I’m not in the mood.”

 

“That’s a first. However I don’t intend to fuck you.”

 

“That’s a first.” Justin retorted

 

“Ok, Justin, cut the fuckin smart ass shit?”

 

Rolling his eyes he rolled onto his stomach. He knew how far he could push Brian before he quit the sarcasm and went to pissed off. Justin felt pressure on the back of his legs as Brian sat on top of them. He groaned slightly at the pressure and wondered what the hell the man intended to do. Brian smiled at the noise and began kneading the soft tissue of Justin’s shoulders; the young man often did this for him when he was stressed out. Justin’s body began to relax as he groaned quietly and whimpered when Brian hit a particularly sore knot.

 

“Tell me if that’s too rough.” Brian told gently with a hint of a smile after a couple minutes. He got merely a slight nod and what he assumed was a thank you not that it was loud or coherent enough to tell. Justin was in heaven; slowly the massage was lulling him to sleep. He tried to keep his eyes open, but found they were too heavy the stress of school lifted from him as he realized he’d finished year number two and had a full three months to get better and work his hand. He smiled slightly as he finally succumbed to sleep. The steady soft breathing told Brian his plan had worked.

 

“Sleep Sunshine.” He whispered pulling a blanket over the young man and wandering to his computer to start another long day of office work. It was a lot to do but after nearly loosing everything just a look around his beloved loft was enough to keep him motivated. Possessions weren’t everything to him anymore... but they sure as hell were something.

 

~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

Brian sighed looking at the small clock in the lower left corner of his desktop. 8:00; he’d been working for three hours and still had probably two left before he was completely finished with the pie charts, graphs... fucking math class all over again he thought looking at the neat pile his efforts were creating... slowly. He looked over to Justin still sleeping. He hadn’t moved one bit since he’d fallen asleep. He was in such a deep sleep Brian had actually gone to him and checked if he was breathing. He scoffed at himself now, but the kid was so friggin still. Looking to the clock again then back to Justin he sighed dramatically. He was a big believer in not sleeping too much... unless you were sick or hung over. His philosophy: if you slept over nine hours a night you’d be useless the next day. He was right... of course. Standing and stretching his neck he wandered to the couch, and crouched to eye level with the young sleeping man.

 

Justin’s face was turned facing out even though his body was face down. ‘He’d be sore if the little fucker weren’t so young and vital.’ Brian thought with a smile. His lovers mouth was slightly open his bright red full lips moving slightly. He was dreaming, but it didn’t seem unpleasant. Brian smiled. He never tired of watching Justin sleep. Every night he did it and never did he tire of seeing that angelic face so relaxed, peaceful, innocent. He really was innocent. He’d been through a lot... fucked a lot of guys been treated like shit from... his dad... school mates. Myself Brian thought running a hand through Justin’s ever growing mane. He liked it long. But no matter what had happened Justin still held on to things like happy endings, love, romance, and that everyone really did have a good side. It was his innocence that kept Justin there. Living with Brian. The childish notion that he could change the way Brian thought and felt. Take away 32 years of emotional and plenty of physical abuse that Brian wouldn’t even utter a word about. Thing is... he’s doing it. It was true. Brian was still no saint he swore he was an ass he was blunt and told truths no one wanted or needed to hear he smoked to much... weed included, enjoyed his share of drugs and sex but when it came to Justin he found himself at a lack for defenses. He didn’t believe in love. That’s what he said. He knew, somewhere in himself, he believed in it, sure enough, but he didn’t fucking like it. It never proved to help things growing up so he’d shut it out locked it inside, and decided no one would get his love because if they didn’t then he could never be hurt. He didn’t do hurt anymore either it was locked in there with love. He did anger. But then that fucking kid left him. Holding hands with Ethan Justin turned around silently saying goodbye with his eyes, and left Brian standing there, finally, realizing he loved him because his heart hurt so bad. Yet Justin came back. He didn’t just want romance he wanted Brian’s romance, and was going to fucking have it if he had to grab his heart and take it. He smiled at the thought then at Justin his innocent angel. He leaned into the boy’s ear.

 

“Justin.” He whispered sharply.

 

The boy jumped lightly his clouded blue eyes staring at Brian he smiled a little. “Time is it?” He rasped.

 

“Eight. You should eat supper.” He stood and walked back to his computer leaving Justin to wake up having no idea he was the subject of all of Brian’s thoughts at the moment.

 

“Eaten?” The young man asked stretching from his long, and much needed, nap.

 

“Nope.”

 

“Drank?”

 

Brian raised his whiskey glass in response.

 

“Moved?”

 

“Couple times. To piss.... see if you were still breathing.” He smiled at the fact the teen would have no clue that one was true.  
Justin smiled. “What do you want for supper?”

 

“Are you trying to be my wife again?”

 

“Fuck the Heterophobe crap, and tell me what you want to eat. Eating isn’t a straight thing. It’s a eat breath and live thing.” Justin told as though this were the routine conversation before Brian finally relented what he wanted. Which only came after...

 

“I don’t care whatever’s good.”

 

Justin made a half smile. It was more fun this way anyway, and he loved that he knew him so well. “How about the steak?”

 

“I’d rather have the chicken.”

 

“Ok.” Justin coaxed. “Corn?”

 

“Green beans.” Brian replied smiling not looking up from his work. He enjoyed this as much as Justin. Gathering everything Justin took out the only two pasta’s they had knowing the one he called out for Brian would ask for the other.

 

“Broccoli Alfredo?”

 

Brian half smiled throwing Justin’s little game off a little. “Um... yea. Sounds good.”

 

Justin just laughed. “You cheated.”

 

Brian looked up and smiled at him. “Whatever are you talking about?”

 

Rolling his eyes Justin began to prepare the meal.

 

“What’s this account for?”

 

“Percentages of how well test groups responded to our firms ads as opposed to four of our competitor’s ads. I have to prove to a bunch of California slick dicks that we and by we I mean I am the only one able to reap the highest benefits.”

 

Justin screwed up his face. “Do you really like doing this?”

 

“Not always.” Was the noncommittal response.

 

“I mean like... most of the time? Do you really like advertising? Is that what you always wanted to do?”

 

“Is this your way of having a conversation about my earliest dreams and aspirations? I wanted to be a super hero with Mikey.” He told avoiding the conversation.

 

“Well you succeeded actually...” Justin thought absently as he defrosted the chicken.

 

“All my dreams came true what can I say. It’s amazing.”

 

“So you always wanted to be an ad exec?”

 

“I wanted to not be near Jack and Joanie. When I got to college and learned about it found out I could lie to people and make loads of money for it, well, the idea grew on me.”

 

“I’m not invading your privacy, Brian; I’m just trying to have a conversation with you.”

 

Brian made a mental note to knock back on the sarcasm, at least with Justin. The kid had proven he wasn’t going to trample him as soon as his defenses were down. He turned around showing Justin he had his full attention, and smiled at the look of excitement Justin barely concealed.

 

“So is that the only reason you do it? For the money? I wouldn’t do a job I didn’t like.” Justin told as though he was just deciding. “Not for all the money in the world.”

 

Brian smiled. “You probably would if you knew you could help people you care about whenever they need it.” He told revealing the other side of the fancy suits expensive loft, and designer furniture. He couldn’t loose his income. Mikey might need it, or Deb. Vic could get sick. Gus, god forbid, the girls... the boys. Justin. He couldn’t tell them they were his world or that he loved them, but if anything happened... he could take care of it.

 

Justin whirled around at that admission. Considering Brian paid for... more or less Justin’s whole life he counted in the group of “care abouts.” Hiding his smile he furrowed his brow. “So you work for us... them?” He asked deciding against the word us.

 

“You... them... myself. I like my job Justin don’t worry about it... just cook supper.” The man teased turning back to his computer. Add the kid in the group you “care about” and he’s so flustered he can’t talk.

 

“How do you want the chicken? Leave out the smart ass remarks.” He interrupted Brian before he could even go there.

 

“Be creative.”

 

Justin smiled. “I’m 20 Brian I’ll eat anything... you might wanna be more specific.”

 

“Use a little of the garlic powder and... um” Brian never cooked. “That sauce.”

 

“K.” Justin said. Neither of them even noticed that Brian hadn’t told him and Justin knew what he was talking about. Justin had more domestic bliss than he realized.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Are we going out tonight?” Justin asked chewing his Broccoli Alfredo.

 

Brian looked back at the computer then at Justin. “Not for long.” He answered stirring the food on his plate. He was such a finicky eater.

 

“Eat your supper. No Babylon?”

 

“Not unless the paper work fairy comes and does my work for me, and I am eating my supper, Debbie.”

 

“No then.” Justin answered himself ignoring that last comment, and eating the chicken. It turned out well if he did say so himself.

 

“You can go out you know. Just go by yourself... or go see Daphne you haven’t talked to her in... hours.”

 

He grinned. “Her finals finished today too. Her boyfriend is taking her ...”

 

“Tell Daphne she needs a new boyfriend... I hear about this one too much.” Brian said pointedly. Justin got half his little romantic notions from Daphne’s lover boy.

 

Justin nodded looking down at his meal, crestfallen, but covering well.

 

Brian sighed. Damn kid and that fucking disappointed look. “What did Daphne’s boyfriend do?”

 

Justin looked up and beamed. Sunshine. “He um he got them tickets to New York for a two week vacation! They’re going to like three Broadway shows while they’re there.” He told around his food. “She’s so excited.”

 

Brian smiled. “So he’s loaded?”

 

Justin sighed. He knew he wouldn’t get any response he wanted out of it so he didn’t know why he even tried. The only trip he and Brian took was when Brian captured him from his runaway stunt. He nodded slightly. “Only thing you two have in common.”

 

“Justin.”

 

The young man looked up. He was pushing his luck. Brian had been really sweet lately, and he knew romance wasn’t Brian’s thing. He loved Brian the way Brian was, so he had to deal with the parts he didn’t love as much. “I know... I know I’m sorry.”

 

“You want a trip? Is that what you want?” Brian asked. It wasn’t a crazy request that they, after almost three years of...whatever it was, could take a trip together. It just ended up one of them couldn’t go when it came down to it. Him usually.

 

Justin looked up. “No you don’t have to its stupid.”

 

“Then why’d you bring it up?”

 

Justin put down his fork and just looked at Brian. “Don’t promise me something you can’t give.”

 

Brian nodded slightly looking back to his plate. That’s what it came down to. Justin didn’t want to set himself up for disappointment. He thought about his schedule. After he finished this he had about a week of nothing. They owed him anyways. He fucking ran the place. “Where do you want to go?”

 

“Brian.”

 

“Where do you want to go?”

 

They had a staring match. “No promises? Don’t promise me.”

 

“Fine where do you want to go if by the night of the flight something at work doesn’t come up?”

 

Again a staring match. “You sure?”

 

Raised eyebrows are all he got.

 

“Florida.”

 

“White party isn’t for...”

 

“I want to go to feed the dolphins at Sea World.” Justin admitted smiling unashamed at his childish request.

 

“Are you serious?”

 

“Dead.”

 

Brian scoffed and went back to his plate. Justin took that as a no. “Fine... Vermont. It’s still nice even if there’s no where to snow board this time of year...”

 

“We’re going to Florida, Justin, to feed the dolphins.”

 

“Really?”

“Really.”

 

Justin couldn’t help but get excited even though there was a big chance they would never make it there. “When?”

 

“Friday?”

 

Justin just shone. He was so beautiful. It was one of those moments where Brian had his guard down, and Justin just amazed him with how gorgeous he was. Finishing his last bite he wandered over behind the young man’s chair and placed a hand on each of his shoulders planting a kiss into his golden hair. “I godda get back to work.”

 

“K.” Justin replied in his non-shallant way standing and beginning to clear the table and do the dishes. Just as he began there was a knock at the door.

 

“What the fuck is the point of an alarm system if everyone lets in anyone at the door.” Brian bitched standing to answer the latest interruption. He decided to forgive when he opened the door to see Daphne in all her strait teen girl beauty smiling ear to ear. He smiled. “My wife.” He said simply leaning down and kissing her cheek as always. Daphne was Justin’s Mikey, and Brian found it very important that she stuck around.

 

“Daph! What are you doing here?” Justin asked dishes forgotten.

 

“The girls in my house are having a party. Beer, and hot boys.” She said with a smile. “You’d enjoy.”

 

“Hot straight boys.”

 

“Why do you care?” Brian teased heading back to the computer.

 

Justin smiled, and Daphne saw that Brian showing just a little jealousy just made Justin tingle.

 

“C’mon if anything you can get drunk and dance with me. I’m leaving tomorrow.”

 

That sealed the deal. He missed his Daph. “Alright Alright... I’ll be leaving in a couple of days too... granted a miracle occurs and nothing comes up. Brian’s taking me to Florida.” Justin told grabbing his jacket Daphne looked impressed, and knew as soon as they were out he would freak out about how excited he was. Not in front of Brian though. He walked to Brian. “I’m going out.”

 

Brian looked up and smiled. “Good... I’ll get my work done.”

 

“Kiss.”

 

They kissed... and kissed.

 

“Tonight Justin.” Daph called in the door way. Justin smiled in their kiss.

 

“Later.”

 

“Later.” Brian repeated kissing him once more. “Have fun.”

 

“I will.” Just as the door was almost shut Brian heard. “Love you.”

 

That was his new thing. Tell Brian he loved him and leave immediately after. He knew why he did it, but never said anything about it.

 

“You too.” He said to the newly closed door.

 

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~

Brian sighed and stared at his nearly done pile of papers. He’d gone to Woody’s... and it was now 3:00. The rules clearly stated Justin should be home by three... but did those rules change when Justin left with Ethan? Did they need new rules? Brian sighed. He just wanted Justin to come home... he had work tomorrow, and he wouldn’t be asleep until his boy wonder was home safely. Just then as if reading his mind the key was turning in the lock. The door slid open, and there was Justin... leaning heavily on an annoyed/amused Daphne.

 

Brian smiled slightly.

 

“He has a belly full of vodka... no chasers, and hasn’t puked... remarkably. But the good news is he drank every straight guy under the table.” Daph said lightly walking the staggering young man with her.

 

“Nice Sonny boy.” Brian scoffed.

 

“It’s stopped tasting like rubbing alcohol somewhere around shot number nine...” Justin slurred steadying himself on the couch, and pushing away from Daphne. She smiled at Brian.

 

“Have a good night.” She teased walking back. “Goodnight Justin... I’ll call from New York.”

 

“Ok!! Have a great trip!” He sang stumbling, and nearly crashing onto the hard wood floor. Brian reached out barely catching him pulling him into a semi hug. “What Is your issue? Nine shots of vodka? You wanna fuckin die?”

 

Justin’s blood shot eyes leveled with him. “Twelve, actually,” Brian grimaced. “I heard queer jokes at the drinking game table. I sat down, and bet I could beat them all... WOULDN’T you know it I di... did.” He hiccupped slightly. “Three cheers for the queer.”

 

Brian couldn’t help but smirk a little. “C’mon.”

 

“Are we gonna fuck?”

“No we’re going to puke.”

 

“You don’t feel good?”

 

“I feel fine... you however aren’t going to.” Brian told pulling him up into the bed room. He couldn’t even walk. “How did little Daphne get you up here?”

 

“I can walk...” Justin told before stumbling out of Brian’s grasp. “A little.”

 

“Uh huh. Sit.” He demanded once they got into the bathroom. Justin just sat and wobbled back n forth. Trying to focus on Brian’s form.

 

Brian grabbed the water cup he kept in the bathroom and filled it with cool water. When it came to alcohol poisoning Brian knew a thing or two, and if Justin didn’t get those shots out of his stomach he’d be in for a nice trip to the hospital, or worse. He knelt down next to the trembling teen and held out the water.

 

“Drink this.”

 

“Not thirsty... don’t you think I’ve had enough?” Justin teased with a half grin.

 

“Water? No. drink it, and don’t sip I want you to chug the whole thing.”

 

“I don’t want to I’ll be sick.”

 

“That’s the point. Do what I tell you.”

 

Justin took the glass looking at Brian meekly.

 

“Chug it.”

 

Justin did as he was told and then set down the glass puffing as though he’d run a marathon. Brian smiled he recognized that look. Justin bolted up leaning over the toilet bowl holding his stomach, and retched.

 

“There you go.” Brian told standing over him. He wasn’t going to feel bad for him. He filled another cupful.

 

“Brian no please.”

 

“Sorry.” He told with a small smile. Ok he probably would feel bad. “Bottoms up.”

 

The young man whimpered before chugging another large glass of the cold water. His stomach began rejecting it as soon as it hit and he was hugging the bowl again. Coughing and retching, and gasping for breath. A tear slid down his cheek. It wasn’t from the pain... he couldn’t really feel it all that much it was just from the strain on his body. A gentle hand wiped it away, and Justin saw the man he loved kneeling behind him. Ok... he felt bad.

 

“Once more.”

 

“Brian.”

 

“I mean it Justin I don’t want to have to take you to the fucking hospital.”

 

They replayed the scene two more times when Justin refused, and Brian decided he’d rid himself of what he could.

 

“Ok drink it slowly this time.”

 

“Please...” The inebriated teen begged. “I can’t puke again.”

 

“No you wont. Drink it slowly or you’ll get dehydrated.”

 

Sipping the water leaning against Brian Justin forgot about the dull ache in his belly. The effects from twelve shots of hard liquor also helped.

 

“S’Pricks know I’m gay. Why say fucked up shit like that?”

 

“Cause the world is full of ignorant homophobic pricks... So we homos have to learn to be better than them.”

 

“I was better than them!” Justin proclaimed with a bit of a slur. Brian wet a wash cloth and wiped Justin’s sweaty face.

 

“Not like that. C’mon. Up! It’s bed time.” Brian pulled the young man up and half dragged him half helped him back to bed. He slid under the cool covers pulling the comforter over them. Justin laid his normal foot away from Brian. Maybe this was a good time to ask Justin a few things. Vodka was a truth elixir.

 

“Why do you sleep so far from me?” Brian asked nonchalantly.

 

Justin cocked his head to the side as though it were obvious. “Cause you don’t like to be reminded you’re not alone.” He told a little sadly.

 

“That isn’t true.” Brian told him

 

Justin’s clouded eyes roamed to him lazily. “That’s what you told me.”

 

“Two years ago...I didn’t mean forever.”

 

“I can’t read your mind Brian.”

 

Thank God.

 

“Well... you can sleep closer.” Brian wasn’t sure how to put.

 

Justin slid up to Brian who wrapped his arm over him. “I feel safer.” Justin told him, and Brian smiled.

 

“Why?”

 

“Cause you’d never let anyone hurt me.”

 

“You’re right.”

 

Nodding Justin mumbled. “Night.”

 

“Hey... Why do you always say... that... to me just before you leave.”

 

Justin’s fried mind tried to wrap itself around the question. Something told him this conversation should upset him but his body was nearly past out and his mind was too fuzzy to remind him this subject hurt bad, so he just said “Because if I leave after I don’t have to hear you... say nothing.”

 

It was a confused sentence that shouldn’t really have meant anything, but it meant everything. Justin couldn’t bear to not get a response, so he just left. Pretending if he stayed he might have got an answer.  
“Night.” Justin mumbled not thinking anymore about it. His body was in shut down mode. He wouldn’t sleep so it was shutting off. Eight hours isn’t a suggestion it’s a demand.

 

Brian held him tighter than before, and sighed. This sucked.

 

~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

 

The alarm clock screeched through the bed room, and felt as though it were physically stabbing him in the head. “Turn it off!” He moaned feeling the weight of Brian on his chest. He still couldn’t figure out why the alarm was on his side of the bed. He never woke up first.

 

“Good morning Sunshine!!” Brian exclaimed. Justin hurt so badly he didn’t even know where to start.

 

“Please.” The young man pleaded “Please don’t yell.”

 

“Was I yelling? Are you sure?” Brian asked louder than usual. Justin rolled over to face him, the full stomach ache coming to life as he moved.

 

He moaned slightly shutting his eyes tight. “Yes.” He ground out. “Please I get it. I learned my lesson.”

 

Brian made a crooked smile. “Doubt it. Don’t Fucking do it again. Made me nervous. You’re eyes rolled in your fucking head.”

 

“They might again. Turn off the lights.” He moaned.

 

“It’s the sun.”

 

“Well turn the fucking thing off. I feel like...” He laughed a little. “I feel like someone hit me with a fucking baseball bat... and I should know.” He laughed around the pain in his skull. Brian glared at him.

 

“S’not funny.”

 

Justin nodded. “It is though... it really is.”

 

Brian couldn’t help but smile a little. “I guess you ought to know.”

 

Justin Rubbed his temples with one hand the other holding his stomach protectively. “Fuck!”

 

Brian got up smiling. It was fun to be on the other end. Usually Justin was up and perky, and Brian was batting him away. Not today. “Get up.”

 

“No I don’t have anything to do.

”  
“Sure you do. Godda get packed go see your mommy and tell her where you’re going...”

 

“I’m not telling anyone. It’ll jinx it.” Justin told standing on wobbly/ sore legs... why was he sore... oh yea he and Daph had a race on a couple of kiddie bikes.

 

“Well... we’re going so tell your mommy.”

 

Justin glared. “I’ve learned my lesson...please let me sleep.” He begged walking into Brian’s arms. He knew Brian couldn’t resist holding onto him. Brian sighed. It was no fun if you let them get away with it. He smirked... one more thing.  
“Why don’t you let me make breakfast?” He said in a sticky sweet voice

 

“Brian.”

 

“Pancakes? Dripping with syrup bacon and eggs fried in all that fat I hear it’s a great hang over cure some butter smattered toast? Mmm and a great big glass of thick rich Milk.”

 

With that the boy ran to the bathroom. He would have felt sick all day if he hadn’t puked. Brian really was doing him a favor. He wandered into the bathroom with three aspirin, a large bottle of water, and that fucking smirk.

 

“I hate you.”

 

“I’ll live.” Was Brian’s response handing him the pills and the water. Justin thought back on the night before. He was actually just taking care of him.

 

“Thank you.” He whispered gulping the water and the drugs.

 

“Go back to bed after you drink all of it.”

 

“I’ll have to piss.”

 

“When you wake up to piss you’ll feel better... then get packing. Go see your mother too.”

 

Justin stood. “Where are you going?”

 

“Work. Then to see my sonny boy.”

 

“Gus?” Justin asked brightening a little. “I want to see him.”

 

Brian smiled. Justin loved Gus so much it was sweet. He’d do anything for that little boy.

 

“Get up in time you can meet us at the diner for lunch. If Linds wants to go.” Brian told.

 

“Kiss”

 

“You just puked.” Brian told pretending to be disgusted. Justin rolled his eyes.

 

“And I’m the drama princess.”

 

“Who do you think is the queen?” Brian asked kissing him lightly. “Sleep tight. Sunshine”

 

~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

 

“Are you really going to go through with this?” Lindsay questioned. “If you break his heart again I will make it my job to mess you up.”

 

Mel laughed watching Brian not make eye contact with anyone but the little boy he held before him. “These blue eyes are going to get him into trouble. He could turn out like Justin.”

 

“That wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen.” Mel chuckled sipping her soda.

 

“Brian answer me.”

 

He looked at her. Why did everyone need him to admit he was going soft? Couldn’t he just do it, and be left alone. “I’m taking Justin to Florida for a week. I told the office there was no way I could do anything work related what so ever.”

 

Twin smiles stared at him.

 

“Stop looking at me like that. You look like fucking retards.”

 

Melanie tossed her hands in the air. “That’s it... our kid will say fuck before he’s three... there’s no way around it.”

 

Brian grinned, and for once Lindsay just laughed. “Fuck it... we’ll train it out of him sometime.”

 

The girls caught Brian look to the doors and as they figured Justin appeared not two seconds later.

 

“Justin!”

 

“Hi Justin.”

 

He smiled for both of them. Brian smiled. It was the fakest smile he’d ever seen.

 

“How’s my sonny boy feeling?”

 

Justin just raised his eyebrows. “Better.”

 

Sliding in to let Justin in he explained. “Justin had a rough night.”

 

“Awe what’s the matter hunny?”

 

“Were you sick baby?”

 

Justin looked to them opening his mouth for a lesbian rated white lie.

 

“Justin drank about a fifth of vodka last night. Didn’t you... Hunny.”

 

“I don’t remember.”

 

“We spent most of the evening in the bathroom hmm?”

 

“Don’t remember.” He smiled. “I remember that you felt bad for me, and took care of me.”

 

Brian just chuckled looking back at his son. “Say daddy sonny boy. Dad-Dee.”

 

The little two year old just grinned at his father.

“Ask him.” He heard Melanie whisper to Lindsay.

 

“Ask me what?” He wondered what the baby needed.

 

“Well we were just wondering... We went to the doctors yesterday.” Linds started.

 

Justin looked up. “Is Gus ok?”

 

“Yes hunny it’s just... he said Gus was a little behind.”

 

“What do you mean?” Brian asked sounding a little insulted. “He’s the smartest baby ever.”

 

Every person at the table looked at Brian with affection. If he noticed he didn’t acknowledge it. “What do you need to ask me?”

 

“When did you start talking?”

 

“When I woke up.” Came the smart ass reply.

 

“The first time. The doctor says he should be talking he’s worried he has a speech defect. I started talking when I was just a year... Gus is almost...”

 

“I was three. He’ll talk when he has something to say. Doctors don’t know as much as they think.”

 

“You were three?” Justin asked.

 

Brian nodded. “Knew from an early age there wasn’t anyone in that house worth talking to... not that that’s Gus’s problem.” He said smiling annoyingly at Mel and Linds.

 

“See Linds.”

 

“Well I’m still worried... We set up another Doctor’s appointment, but Mel’s insurance won’t cover it...”

 

“And you don’t have any.” Brian finished “Its fine.”

 

She smiled relieved leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Thank you Brian.”

 

He didn’t know why she still asked for it like it was an inconvenience it was his son. He said he’d pay for anything. He just nodded. “Go listen to some quack huh, sonny boy? Say I know how to talk. I just don’t have to. Deb!? Are we going to get some service!?” They were all surprised he waited as long as he did.

 

Walking over flamboyant as always she stood and stared him down. “I know it’s a new concept hunny, but keep your friggin pants on.”

 

Brian smiled. “The concept is old enough, my understanding of the material is alright... my capability to do so... non existent... could we order?”

 

Deb just laughed. Brian was the only one in the group that could match her witty comebacks it was good to get some fight once in a while.

 

“Alright what’ll it be?” She asked “Sunshine?”

 

Brian went back to bouncing his little boy as everyone ordered. “Daddy.” He whispered. “Daddy.”

 

Suddenly to the delight of all the little boy opened his mouth. “Da!”

 

Brian’s eyes widened into saucers. “Holy shit!! Good boy! Did you hear that?”

 

Justin grinned his heart feeling that pinch in his chest that total love for Brian he felt when he just let his guard down. He was brightened up like a Christmas tree.

 

Lindsay and Mel both covered their mouths. “Good Gus!”

 

“Dad deee!” The boy exclaimed.

 

Debbie just smiled. Brian was turning into something worth those near 20 years of cleaning up his parent’s messes and trying to get Brian to act or feel normal. He was a daddy, and happily in love with Sunshine... or at least getting there. He was her son as much as anyone else’s, and seeing this just made her burst with pride. “There you go Brian it’s final. You’re a full fledged daddy.”

 

Brian grinned he couldn’t even bother being nonchalant.... this was huge.

 

“Who said you’re behind!?” Brian scoffed bouncing the baby. He handed him to awaiting Justin. Gus smiled snuggling into Justin. Then did something no one really ever though about. Looking at Justin Gus smiled.

 

“Daddy!”

 

Justin gaped at the little boy as Debbie walked away laughing. Bet he wasn’t prepared for that one. She placed the orders and went back to her job listening intently to just how Justin reacted to that one.

 

“Well there you go... that’s what you get dating older men.” Brian teased although he was worried it’d be too much for him no matter how mature the twenty year old was.

 

“No Gus that’s Justin.” Mel corrected trying to hide her laugh.

 

Justin wouldn’t admit it... because who knew what Brian thought of this, but hearing Gus say that... excited him. It felt right. It was what he knew he wanted... even if Brian didn’t. Even if he was twenty and no one believed he could be in love.

 

“Well.” Lindsay started trying to test the waters. “It’s an honest mistake... he’s just two and a half... he has two mommies that live together. It makes sense the man who lives with his Daddy is his other daddy.”

 

“Well there you go.” Brian told Justin. “Don’t say I never gave you anything.”

 

Justin smiled. “Shouldn’t we train him out of it?”

 

Melanie laughed “Do you know how long we’ve been trying to get him to say daddy?” She found this all too funny. She warned Justin. Brian just made trouble. This was .... hysterical.

 

Justin lifted the boy up. “Say Justin?”

 

“Daddy.”

 

Brian just laughed. “I don’t think it’s gonna work. Old man.”

 

“I’m twenty.”

 

“Now he realizes.”

~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

 

“Are you mad?” Were the first words he asked as they walked out of the dinner. Gus was on his hip since he wanted to go with them. The screaming and crying told them that. Brian had refused to take him until he’d asked for Daddy instead of just screaming for him. If you want to get him talking you have to give him the choice. Ask for it and get it. Scream for it and don’t. Was what he told Mel and Linds. Mel rolled her eyes and made a comment about parenting advice from Brian Kinney. Justin smirked but didn’t laugh.

 

“Why would I be mad at you? You’re the 20 year old with a kid calling you daddy.” Brian told.

 

“Well... you’re not big on relationships... and your son is calling me daddy. I don’t care. I love Gus more than I can say.”

 

Brian smiled. “I know you do. It’s not our fault. Linds is right.” He told opening the door to his jeep and placing Gus’s seat securely in the back. “He’s got two moms. He must figure he’s got two Dads.”

 

“You’re taking this much better than I thought you would.” Justin told hesitantly. “I kind of liked hearing it... I don’t want to be just Justin. He’s so much more than “My boyfriend’s son.”

 

Brian stood from the jeep and looked at the young man. He wrapped him in a hug holding Gus between them. “Am I that fucking scary? You look like I’m going to crop your head off. I know what he means to you.”

 

Justin put his forehead against Brian’s in this rare show of intimacy. “It’s just.”

 

“I’m closed... unmoving unemotional?”

 

Justin smiled a little. “Maybe sometimes.”

 

“I guess I have to work on that.”

 

Justin just grinned. “What’s gotten into you?” He asked pulling his head back but staying in the embrace.

 

Brian sighed. He wanted to change things but... talking still wasn’t his thing, and he knew Justin wanted an explanation.  
“You might be 20, but I’m 32. (though he was actually only still 31) That’s old at Babylon. I... can’t be like I was when I met you. I can’t believe I’m fucking saying this. I have to grow up. I’m too old for all that. Unfortunately I haven’t figured out how to stay 29 forever. Mikey isn’t going to be going... Ted and Emmett don’t go anymore. I have to get a life. You’re 20 years old you can still go out, and party, and fuck lots of guys.”

 

“I don’t want to... that’s never what I wanted.” Justin told holding his gaze. He was amazed, and overjoyed at what he was hearing. Did he have a chance of being Brian’s boyfriend? For real?

 

“I figured.” He paused. “I’m not normal. I’m not romantic. You’re going to have to get by on what I can give.”

 

“As what?” Justin prodded. “Tell me.”

 

“Your boyfriend.”

 

A huge grin broke out on his face. “Your only trick?” he teased.

 

“I’m not promising I might not fuck up. I don’t believe in those kinds of promises. You know that right?”

 

Justin nodded. “I know.”

 

Gus just sat silent seemingly aware he needed to be quiet and let this conversation play out.

 

“You wanna stick around?”

 

“A long time.”

 

Brian smirked.

 

“That fucking smirk.” Justin teased.

 

“Well... get used to it.”

 

“I love you.” Justin told watching the man in front of him for a reaction.

 

Brian nodded. Batter up. “I love you too.”

 

Justin nearly crushed Gus getting to his boyfriends beautiful lips

~~~*~~~

And there pushed in the only opening window in the queerest dinner in Pittsburg sat a dyke, her wife, a fag, his mother, a queen, and a queer watching and listening with shock and excitement to history in the making.

“Ladies and Gentlemen; queens and queers... You have just witnessed... “The Fall of Brian Kinney.”


End file.
